Sometimes, I do this thing when I am nervous about a conversation I am about to have. I pace around and whisper the conversation out loud. I whisper the way I would like the conversation to go. I whisper all the things I would say to the other person if I were brave enough to say them. All the things I would say if I could speak as eloquently to their face as I can in a whisper while pacing the floor. And then, no matter how the conversation really happens, I am calm because I have already gotten out all of the things I would like to say in the imaginary conversation.
I know, I know, I should be able to speak them out-loud right to the person who I pretend to whisper them to; but I am convinced that they are more powerful in my personal whispering conversation anyway.
Anyway, I just caught myself having one of these pacing whispering fits. Yes, usually I have no idea they are happening until one line escapes me that makes me go "hey, you're talking to yourself again!" And this time the line that came rolling off my tongue, barely making it past my lips in the sweetest whisper, the line that woke me up from my conversation trance was this: I am trying to fill my life with things that are real right now. Real job, real friends, real home, real love. Only things that are real. Well damn, if that isn't the truth I don't know what is.
Hello New Year Mantra, why don't you stay a while.
"I am trying to fill my life with things that are real right now. Only things that are real."